So, I’ve gone all over the place on this blog, and I haven’t posted about Japanese for a long time. And I kinda don’t want to, really. But this blog is ostensibly about Japanese, so, I guess I’ll write about that.

I’ve lost all interest.

True, if I abandon Japanese for much longer, I’ll start to forget it, and it’s a useful enough skill that I don’t want that to happen, but I’ve lost interest in Japanese, I’ve lost interest in Japanese culture, I’ve lost interest in Japan. All of it, I just really don’t care anymore. It’s not even an interesting topic.

There are, I suppose, reasons for this. There’s an English saying “familiarity breeds contempt”, and it’s very possible that I’ve studied Japan and Japanese enough that it’s just been incorporated into my world, and is now just something that exists, like pickup trucks in Texas and idiots on the Internet. It could be that I’m just frustrated with the fact that every time I’ve tried to speak Japanese with someone it’s been a disaster, and I’m not even sure whose fault it is. It could just be that I’ve learned everything I really want to know. And it could be that, at the end of the day, it’s not my culture and I’m an outsider, and all the learning I do isn’t going to change that fact.

Or it could just be that I’m lazy af.

I don’t know. I’m not even sure I care enough to dig into it. But I haven’t done any real study for months, and I don’t see it resuming anytime soon. It’s just a disaster and I don’t see any way out.

Will I resume Japanese? Probably. I don’t want to learn what I already have learned, and the only way to maintain is to continue to train my brain for the language. But I’m having to really push myself hard now, and I just don’t have the will or energy for it.

Not gonna change this blog name anytime soon, though. I guess I will when I completely give up.