I’ve been working on starting a composition over the past couple of days, and I can’t come up with anything.  I mean I’m seriously at a loss.  The music inside my head is completely silent.

Which I don’t understand, at all.  I’m usually not at a loss for being creative.  I mean, I’ve been writing a serial fiction for nearly three years now, I’ve written lots of fanfiction (and some original stuff, I guess), I’m a pretty prolific blogger (even though what I write is mostly trash), and when I have a theme or melody written by someone else it doesn’t seem like it’s too hard to build on that and write something good.  But something completely original?  I just can’t seem to do it.

And I love music.  Music other people composed is never far from my head.  In fact, there’s several really good concert band pieces that keep running through my head, and my overriding thought is that there’s nothing I could write that’s that good.

Is there something I don’t know?  I mean, something I need to learn on how to write good music?  Maybe.  Probably.  But one would think that I could at least take the beautiful images in my head (of which there are many) and have one or two of them inspire music.  But there’s not even that.  It’s completely silent in there.

Is this a form of writer’s block?  I’ve never actually had writer’s block.  I mean, usually when I have something akin to writer’s block, it’s because I’m trying to write something that doesn’t want to be written.  Either the characters are upset with me for how I’m writing them, or it’s just something I subconsciously don’t want to write.  Is that the case here?  Am I actually encountering something… normal?

Maybe I should take that as a blessing, I suppose.

Some things have always come easily to me.  Actually, many things.  But I sometimes suffer from the malady that many people as smart as I do, that trying to do something that’s actually difficult means I just give up on it.  and I want to give up on this, too.  But should I?  Or should I try to squeeze out something I’m not happy with but at least I can say I did it?  Or would that just damage my self esteem even worse?

Or should I hop on fiverr and engage a professional composer and see if they have any advice for me?

Well, I guess we’ll find out.

Ganbarimasu.